I have mixed feelings about this #therapynote. My feelings about expectations depend on the context.

Context matters. Context matters in all things most especially in sex (thinking of you @enagoski). More on that another time.

When I wrote this particular note about the title fight of expectations v good times I was thinking about my holiday season just last year. I had one great experience after the other last year I think it was because I had no expectations. I didn’t expect the moon of the holidays and I didn’t dread them. I went in expecting nothing good, nothing bad, and then every positive experience truly was a gift. Luckily there were many gifts last year in the forms of experiences had and memories made with family and friends. So in this context my expectations did not get in the way of my good time.

On the other hand, in relationships we have rights to expectations from our partners. We are right to expect respect and admiration. We have the right to expect our partners to know us. We are right to expect that our suggestions and bids for connection be taken with open hearts. We expect support for our goals and accept the expectation of supporting theirs. In relationships expectations aren’t the nemesis of good times they are the protector of our selves.

Context matters. If you need help defining which context you’re in, there’s your work.