Define winning for yourself or you’ll lose the comparison game. 

We all need to feel successful. It’s fundamental to building and maintaining lasting self esteem. The want to win is an instinct that runs in background of our minds. 

Your innate desire for success is your friend if you know exactly what you’re playing for. If you don’t have a plan, watch out.  Your innate need for success which helps us feel strong, capable, and good about ourselves will seek validation by comparing yourself to others. 

Most of us today are watching enhanced highlight reels of other people’s lives on social media. Remember those feeds are almost always just showing the good times with a little enhancement. I know I don’t post much when Laura and I have fights or if I’m feeling depressed or anxious. I deal with those things offline. Then when I feel better, post away! So, if you’re getting your self esteem from the comparison game and you’re comparing your whole life to other people’s filter-draped highlight reels you’ll feel bad. 

Break this cycle by setting your own definition of success. Want to write a book? Success can be getting a chapter done. Want to own a house? Success can be earning and saving enough for a down payment. Want a good relationship? Success can be putting yourself out there when it’s really easier to stay home and watch Netflix. 

Know what you’re playing for. Build in stair stepped small goals that lead to what you want. Celebrate each small win. In this life we’re better off pushing for personal records in the parts of life that matter to us rather than trying to measure up to someone else. They’re playing an entirely different game than you. You’re playing an entirely different game than them. Your own.